I’ve been accused of being blunt. But at least everyone knows where I stand on an issue. Oh sure I offend the occasional person but overall people seem to appreciate my honesty and candor.

“Barb, do these pants fit?”

“I’m sure they will . . . if you lose 20 pounds.”

If you’re looking for false flattery or a “yes man” don’t look at me. I’ll tell it to you straight. I must admit this strategy has gotten me into trouble at business meetings, and has cost me a few friendships. But hey, if you don’t want to know, don’t ask.

I’m not saying we should blurt out every thought that comes into our heads. Why tell the man at the DMV he is an incompetent idiot if he doesn’t ask? It won’t get you service any quicker. It also doesn’t mean we should gossip while sucking back our third Caffé Latte with a friend. We need to exercise some verbal control, but it has gotten ridiculous. So here are a few guidelines for spitting it out.

BE CLEAR. Make sure what you say, reflects what you mean. On this point we can all take a lesson from my three-year-old son James. He makes his wishes very clear to everyone. “Now Mommy. I’m going to sing and then you clap and say ‘Good job.’” How hard is that? With this no nonsense approach he rarely gets disappointed. I’ve tried it a few times myself with great results. “Honey, I’ve just spent two hours making this dinner. Tell me you like it.” When my husband knows what is expected of him he’s pretty good at delivering the correct answer.

James also cuts to the chase when it comes to friendship. “You wanna be my fwend?”, is often the first thing he says to someone when he meets them. He wants to know where their relationship is going. No sense wasting time hanging out in the sand box with a guy who doesn’t want to be his friend. He’s also very clear about response options. If the potential friend looks confused and starts mumbling about this or that, James stops him in his tracks and presses his point. “Yes or no?” On occasion the other child runs screaming to his mommy, but usually a friendship begins.

BE HONEST. Tell it like it is sister. If I ask you to comment on my new hair style, I want the truth. Your honesty could save me some future embarrassment. If my youthful ponytails look odd against my facial wrinkles, tell me. Don’t let me walk around looking like a Grandma with a toddler complex. Say something to enlighten me, not compliment me; unless of course I look gorgeous, at which point you can compliment me all day long.

Honesty. What a concept. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if our politicians began practicing it? Voting for the right candidate would be less of a guessing game and more of an act of responsible decision making based on what the candidates say. “Will you enforce the law that requires dog owners to carry and use a pooper scooper when in public? Yes, or no?” Don’t jaw on and on until I die of boredom, and don’t do a verbal jig in an effort to dance around the issue. Spit it out. Michael Levine, a communications expert and a friend of mine once told me, “If I ask you how you feel, and it takes you more than five minutes to get through your response, you’ve not told me how you feel, you’ve told me a story.” And story time is over.

I’m pretty good at being both clear and honest. But I need a few lessons on how to . . .

BE KIND. People have feelings. Sometimes I forget that. I spend so much time trying to be honest I end up being cruel. You and I still need to spit it out, but we need to do it gently. Let’s take some advice from Mary Poppins and remember, “A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down.” So if your friend offers you a piece of her nasty egg and peanut butter casserole, compliment her on its beautiful golden color, but then remind her that you’re not partial to dog food. Oh, sorry. That’s not very kind is it? Tell her you’d love some . . . once she gets the recipe right. Darn. I’m just not very good at this kindness thing. Hopefully you will have better luck. But remember, being kind doesn’t mean being dishonest. It just means telling the truth with love.